“We count our miseries carefully, and accept our blessings without much thought." ~ Chinese Proverb
I have met countless people who can describe in detail why something is unpleasant for them, why something isn’t working or what is going wrong in their life, and yet their gratitude is only a single word or short phrase. Does being able to explain in detail the reason why you have gratitude for something make a difference in the energy behind it? I went on a quest for answers.
Some people I talked with had long laundry lists of gratitude,but they seemed to talk more about their problems and complaints. Others had shorter lists, and shared beautiful stories with me about each items on their list.
I met people who had similar items on their gratitude list and different responses to my question: “you are grateful for this because…..?”
One woman I met with had written “I am thankful for my health” on her gratitude list. When I asked her “You are grateful for your health because…..”, her answer was a sharp: “Well! Because I just am, and I am insulted to be asked why!.” It reminded me of when my parents would tell me do to something and when I asked why I heard: ” because I said so”. This answer didn’t help me to understand.
In contrast, I met with Nancy who also had written on her list “I am thankful for my health”. When I asked “she was grateful because….” what she told me was: “I am thankful I have my health, because that means I can take care of my kids. I brought these beautiful children in the world and they depend on me. When I have my health I can enjoy them and take care of them. And that make me feel such a deep feeling for love and life, that I call that a grateful feeling.” In order to feel the depth of her gratitude Nancy believes that she must be willing to know why she feels gratitude. Anything less, to her, is simply lip service.
I find that every time I do this exercise I find new feelings around each incident I list in Gratitude. Several other people shared with me how doing this exercise made a difference in their feelings of gratitude.
“He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise.” ~ Lao-tzu, Tao te Ching
For this Thanksgiving season, do this for yourself and see if there is any difference in the depth of your feelings of Gratitude.
Write down a few things on that you are Grateful for. And then continue the sentence with: because…..| See what you can discover with your because.
"The important thing is not to stop questioning our reasons Never lose a holy curiosity.” ~ Albert Einstein
(c) 2009 excerpt from book: Stress Out, show stress who's the boss
FRUSTRATION: -noun; the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals ; a feeling of dissatisfaction resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.
That dictionary definition makes sense in a world of human emotions. However, what happens when we get frustrated and ANGRY? Or frustrated and feeling helpless? Or frustrated and call ourselves names, ie: stupid?
When we get angry or impatient during or after that moment of frustration, it is because we want what is happening right now, to be different than it is right now.
There has been an increase in buzz about the law of attraction since the release of the movie, the Secret. Many people will proudly declare “law of attraction” or LOA, when they get a parking space, a table without waiting at a restaurant, a green light at an intersection; and in the next breath deny or ignore all personal responsibility, when IT doesn't go the way they wish.
If you observe what you are thinking in your own mind, you will see that when you come face to face with your frustration over what IS happening right now, that your habitual thoughts will first condemn. Then your thoughts begin to compare IT (what is happening right now) with 'what IT should be'; or you search and listen for thoughts to justify IT. And then your next choice of emotions begin.
Anger related to frustration is a form of tantrum throwing. Many people have developed the habit of magical and microwave type thinking that IT must change and IT must change now.
Like the TV show from the 60's, Bewitched, the most effort many people want to have to exercise is to twitch their noses and have IT change instantly. (Eventually we would get angry with having to twitch our noses all the time and we would want IT to change without having to twitch).
Our anger doesn’t want to learn anything new, or do anything different – we just want IT the way we want IT without any further effort on our part. (see small child foot stomping emphasis here)
Many people have developed the habit of accepting feelings of helplessness sometimes just after the anger or accompanying it. The helplessness comes from lumping this one IT into all the other IT's that are (allegedly) going wrong in our life – and our negative emotions escalate. It's difficult to eat an entire buffet at once. It's much easier to focus on one course and one bite at a time. Yet we lump all our life events into one mountainous illusion, and dwarf ourselves in its shadow.
And in moments of low self esteem, name calling rears its head. This behavior has no positive value and only creates more feelings of helplessness and unworthiness. Your frustration turned into self loathing is telling you that you are operating on an old limiting belief about yourself. This may require additional introspection on the topic of self worthiness.
WHAT IF you were hiking in beautiful nature and enjoying the journey and you came upon a stream of water you needed to cross. Would you sit down and get angry that the stream was interfering with your hike; or you would look for an answer around you for how to get across; or you would call upon your creative mind; or you would give up and retreat? So many choices.
Anger, feelings of helplessness, frustration and name calling close the door to possibilities. It can be painful when we bang our heads against a closed door.
WHAT IF there was a lock on that door that only required a key? Would you start looking for the key, get angry because it wasn’t already in your pocket, or keep banging your head and increasing the pain, or would you give up?
You actually already possess that key, and it is within your reach.
WHAT IF you looked at a frustrating IT as an opportunity? And I’m not talking about that see-saw string of words chimed by so many New Agers ..."Here’s another spiritual opportunity for growth……”
WHAT IF – at the first moment of frustration you took a moment to ask yourself –
"why am I reacting the way I am?”
when I have reacted this way in the past – have those times gotten me closer to or farther away from my desired result?”
“what is my intended result with my behavior, my actions or the activity I am involved in right now?”
"am I willing to I learn something new that will enhance my career or quality of life?"
"am I learning a new way to use my creative mind?"
"Is this an opportunity to let go of an old habit and accept what is right now, so I can learn a new habit?"
"Am I willing to apologize to myself and forgive myself?
WHAT IF – in that moment of reflection you heard from your inner self that this frustrating IT was an answer to something you had previously asked for, or an opportunity to learn something new in your moving forward energy in life or career, orthis IT was an opportunity to learn something new to complete something from your past?
How would you respond to that frustrating IT now?
I am suggesting that you decide in the right now, in the IT of frustration how you want the next moment to be. I am suggesting you take responsibility for your reactions and choose the one that moves you closer to your desired result.
Whether you refer to what happens in your life as Law of Attraction, Law of Return, Karma, Synchronicity, Law of Reciprocity, Cause and Effect, The Golden Rule , Energetics, etc - the bottom line is your responsibility. You are responsible for the choices you make and the results that occur because of the choices you make.
“One new perception, one fresh thought, one act of surrender, one change of heart, one leap of faith, can change your life forever.” ~ Robert Holden ~
When we present a topic we also like to offer Keys to assist you in finding your solution.
There are several Keys to assist you in moving through Frustration to empowerment.
“ We must also be careful to avoid ingesting toxins in the form of violent TV programs, video games, movies, magazines, and books. When we watch that kind of violence, we water our own negative seeds, or tendencies, and eventually we will think and act out of those seeds. " ~Thich Nhat Hahn
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